


You Send Me

by dirtyblonde



Series: Lawyer Boyfriends [2]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Banter, Barisi - Freeform, M/M, Makeup Sex, Possessive Behavior, Sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:25:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8303432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtyblonde/pseuds/dirtyblonde
Summary: Sonny finds out that Barba has been keeping all of the threats made on his life a secret and is none too pleased about it. Set during/after the clusterfuck finale that was S17E23.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Took me a while to be satisfied on this installment, which is actually part 3 in the series as there is a forthcoming work that's intended to go between my previous Lawyer Boyfriends fic and this one. I guess I should also put in a spoiler warning for season 17 finale content? Other than that I got nothing. Happy reading!

When Rollins finally left them alone in the district attorney’s office to give Olivia the latest Sonny rounded on Barba, fire in his eyes.

“How could you keep this from me?” He demanded with quiet fury, the hard expression he wore oppressive as it loomed at so close a distance. Barba had never seen him this worked up, red and contorted with anguish, clothes unusually disheveled.

Rafael kept his face neutral, gazing into the middle distance numbly. It became increasingly apparent in the lengthening silence that he intended to make no justification.

“Answer me,” Carisi continued, hands white knuckled as they roughly shook the armrests bracketing Barba’s chair to prevent him from swivelling away. The pain written upon Sonny’s face had a physical palpability to it that sent a knife twisting straight into Barba’s gut.

When he finally looked up to meet Carisi’s eyes his expression was tight, giving nothing away. “What did you want me to say? Someone bullies me on the playground and I go crying to my cop boyfriend? Boo hoo, that’s not how this works. I’m an ADA Sonny, receiving threats is just a sign that I’m doing my job.” Barba pursed his lips as he watched another spasm of rage pass behind Sonny’s vision, the emotion so overwhelming it forced the younger man to move away from him in apparent disgust.

“Don’t you dare be cavalier about this,” Sonny gritted out, coming close again to jab an emphatic finger into Rafael’s chest. “I don’t wanna hear your ‘it comes with the territory’ bullshit. You don’t get to say that to _me_. Not ever. You don’t get to play fast and loose with your safety, then look me in the eye with no good reason how you could’ve kept me in the dark about this. And just to be clear, in no _universe_ would there be a good enough reason for this. I’m so fuckin’ furious right now.”

“Tell me about it,” Rafael grumbled flippantly under his breath. For just a second when Sonny looked at him then, Barba thought he might punch him in the face and flinched back from the aggression he read in Sonny’s posture. He knew instantly he’d gone too far. “Dom, I…” but the apology died in his throat as Carisi moved away from him and back towards the door.

“Fuck you Raf,” he said, pointing at his lover with an accusatory finger. “I would never forgive myself if something happened to you, I’d be fucking devastated, and you can just throw it back in my face like it’s nothing.”

Barba didn’t know how to apologize for this. He kept silent in the knowledge that in some ways there would never be apologies enough for what he had done. He never should have kept any of it a secret. Not after it persisted for so long, and certainly not after its rapid escalation. He was so used to being the one who had to take care of himself, take care of his mother, his grandmother – to stay tough no matter what – that he had forgotten the responsibility involved in having someone who might want to take care of him.

The usually unflappable Rafael Barba could think of nothing to say and so said exactly that.

“Well that’s great Raf,” Sonny said in a defeated tone. “There’ll be a patrol car downstairs to take you home when you’re done for the day and at least one unit posted outside your building. I’m sure Liv’ll be by later to tell you again how stupid and totally careless you’ve been about your safety.”

Barba knew that Sonny was going to leave, but couldn’t bring himself to stop him.

“I’ll see you,” was all he said before edging silently into the hallway.

The second he was gone Barba rose to his feet in anger. “Dammit,” he swore, sweeping the lamp off his desk in one furious motion before retreating to the couch with a big glass of whiskey. “Fuck.” There were still shattered lamp shards all over the carpet when Olivia finally did arrive to pile on, but he barely heard her furious tirade through the ether of his third glass and she wisely chose not to comment on the mess.

*****

Sonny refused to respond to any of Barba’s messages, even the incredibly drunken one he had recorded later on the night Dominick left him alone in his office.

Outside of work they hadn’t seen one another in a week, and when their paths _had_ crossed on the job Carisi could barely stand to interact with him unless he avoided making direct eye contact. He hadn’t come in to work on anything at the district attorney’s office, which was hardly surprising considering everything that had been going on with Dodds’ funeral and the added pressure the whole squad was under.

More than anything Barba wanted to be there for Sonny, to help him through the stress of it all, the irony of which was not lost on him. In not telling Sonny the danger he’d been in over the last few months and denying Sonny the chance to support him, Rafael had only succeeded in taking the same opportunity away from himself now that Sonny was the one who needed the support. But he was at least savvy enough to understand that it had to be Sonny’s decision to come work things out. All he could do was wait.

In the interim, Barba nursed the raw ache inside that had him drinking a little more heavily at the end of each workday, and for the first time in a long time had nothing to do with the uncertainty he felt regarding his personal safety. That had been the one upshot to all of this: the ambivalence he now felt concerning whoever had been threatening him. What did all that really matter now that he had fucked up the most important relationship in his life.

It wasn’t until another few days had passed that Sonny finally came to see him.

One of the patrol officers on duty usually checked in with him just after the shift change at 10, so it came as no surprise when he heard the usual knock on his door at 5 after. He unthinkingly drew the chain and opened it to discover that it was Sonny who now stood on the other side. Barba’s expression betrayed the shock he felt.

“Did you even look through the peephole to see who it was Rafael?” Sonny chastised, the stoop of his shoulders transforming with irritation as he brushed inside.

Barba had the decency to look sheepish, closing and relocking the door once Carisi was inside.

“Goddammit, could you at least _try_ to worry about yourself a little more?”

“I missed you,” Barba said after a minute. Sonny still looked like his blood was up, just as angry as if he had walked right back into the middle of their fight. If it could even be called a fight when they both fell on the same side of it.

“I’m still mad at you,” Sonny said petulantly, hanging up his coat in the hall closet.

“I know. And I’m fine with that, I’m mostly just glad that you’re here.” For once Rafael looked naked with sincerity, no trace of sarcasm clinging to his words.

“I hate the way you can just make me not mad like that.”

Barba barely tried to keep the smirk off his face. “You love it,” he said slyly.

“Maybe.” The smile that crept onto Sonny’s face was bright as he manoeuvered them over to the sofa, sliding easily to straddle Barba when he pressed him down upon it.

The kiss Sonny gave him was gentle at first, soft and exploratory as if they had been separated for months instead of days. Their languid pace continued, tongues eventually easing into each other’s mouths as the rocking press of their bodies had them hard in a matter of minutes.

Sonny gently ran his fingers through Rafael’s hair until his head fell back against the couch, tilted upward so that Sonny was able to gaze down and study his face.

“Dominick,” Barba breathed, his voice a desperate whisper as he stared up at Sonny with desire.

“I am never going to let anything happen to you,” Sonny said suddenly very low and serious, the look in his eyes so fiercely protective it made Rafael surge forward to capture Sonny’s mouth again with his. Barba’s big hands slid down Sonny’s waist, cupping him and stroking him over the fabric before deftly unbuckling his belt to jerk his pants and briefs down his thighs.

Sonny’s cry was guttural as Barba took the length of his cock into his throat, body urged forward by the insistent press of the hand snaked between his legs, palming his ass and teasing his hole. The sucking heat of Barba’s mouth was perfect, he’d missed the expert bob, the gentle drag, the broad sweep of his tongue.

When he pulled off Sonny regarded him with reverence, a glistening layer of spit and pre-cum thick upon his shaft. They resumed kissing, Carisi now rutting more insistently while they worked one another’s clothes off.

“Oh god, let me fuck you Raf,” Sonny pleaded desperately once they were both completely undressed, his hand moving through the hair on Barba’s chest and steadily downward. It had been a long time since Barba had wanted anyone to top him, but he wanted it now with Sonny more than anything. Lubricant seemingly materialized out of nowhere, Sonny barely able to restrain himself as he watched Rafael work himself open.

Sonny fucked him long and slow at first, claiming him with protracted movements, deliberately drawing out every sensation. He was teasing, torturing, had Rafael babbling senselessly with pleasure. They took their time as they fucked their way from sofa to bedroom, eventually collapsing onto the mattress in tired satisfaction.

As they lay together, Sonny allowed himself to be temporarily calmed by the light pressure of Barba’s fingers combing through his sweat damp hair as he lay draped protectively across Rafael’s torso. He felt a sense of contentment, but restlessness built easily within him again whenever he turned his thoughts back to how Rafael had handled everything over the past few weeks. Months really, considering when the threats had started.

“Just say it.” Rafael’s quiet voice disturbed the pregnant silence that hung thick between them in the darkness.

“Say what?”

“Well I can hear that you’re not asleep, and I know that you won’t be until you say what you want to say, so just say it. Whatever it is.”

Sonny was silent so long after that Rafael thought he might not answer. Then finally; “You could have died Raf.” The sound was muffled by the bare skin of Barba’s chest, but there was no mistaking what Carisi had said.

Rafael filtered through and discarded the beginnings to several responses before deciding how he wanted to proceed. “It’s not always easy for me, doing this with you,” he said honestly, not unkindly. “The job has always come first for me. Doing the right thing, no matter how much it’s cost me to do it. I’ve let every relationship become casual. I’ve forgotten how to let someone else worry about me, because having that just seems like a luxury. Something to siphon my focus away from the job. And the job is the one thing that’s good about me Dominick.”

“Raf…” Sonny began reproachfully, but Barba cut him off.

“I’m not trying to be self-deprecating, it’s just the truth. The best thing about me, the _nicest_ thing about me, is the work I do. So that comes first and I don’t know if that’s ever going to change or if I would ever _want_ that to change, regardless of the fact that it could endanger me.”

Sonny still had his cheek pressed to Rafael’s chest, but he had turned to face Barba who was watching him now in the dim light filtering through his window. “I think you know that I understand what you’re saying more than most. That I feel it just the same as you do. I know what it’s like to be the job. But I also know that you love me.” A question that wasn’t really a question.

“Clearly,” he answered anyway.

“And I love you.”

“Naturally,” he interrupted, earning the playful bite to the pectoral Sonny gave him for his insufferable sassiness.

“My point being,” Carisi began emphatically, bringing Barba’s attention back to the conversation at hand, “that I know there’s risk associated with your job, but you have to promise me that you will never do anything like this ever again.” The tenor of his voice was deadly serious.

“Dom…”

“You can’t keep me in the dark on stuff. If there’s something going on, just tell me. Give me the chance to try and protect you.”

Rafael’s response to this after the still silence that followed Sonny’s words was so quiet that Sonny didn’t even hear what he said the first time.

“What?”

“I said okay.”

“Well okay then.”

Rafael could just make out Sonny’s smile in the darkness, the firm weight of his body pressing into his filling him with a warm, liquid happiness that soon had him sinking into a very deep sleep.


End file.
